My Collateral Beauty

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My Collateral Beauty.

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*TW-Sensitive Post*

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It’s been two years. I remember today like it was yesterday. Was running on hardly any sleep. They wouldn’t let me see the screen. I stared at my husband looking for answers to the questions spinning in my head. At that point I just knew already.

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They say time heals things. For me time has distracted that sadness until this time of year comes back around.

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It’s OK to me to remember. It’s OK to me to be sad. It’s OK to me to wonder and think of him/her. I don’t just do it once a year but March reminds me a bit more strongly.

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I TELL myself it’s OK to feel the feels BECAUSE I’ve been there and I know that feeling of that heartbreak I had….and I Pray. I Pray for those who’ve experienced their own losses, who are struggling, who are waiting for their Sunshine baby and those waiting for their Rainbow.

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A few things I’ve witnessed and become aware of over these two years:

1. Everyone handles miscarriage in their own way AND no way is the wrong way.

2. It’s been a taboo hush hush topic that seriously should NOT be. When one’s been through it no matter what stage they’ve been affected. It’s physically, mentally, emotionally painful. No one should take away someone’s need to grieve. Like anything. Don’t judge someone or think you know what it feels like unless you’ve walked in the same shoes.

3. Awareness: 1 in 4. This isn’t rare. Just look at that statistic. Soooo next time you meet a couple be cautious. It seems innocent but maybe be careful about how you approach conversation about children. Don’t make pushy comments like “You should be/Why don’t you….”. You don’t know what they’re going through or have been through. Sometimes they’re hurting and your reminder isn’t helpful.

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Some didn’t understand why I took my grief and shared my struggles and feelings openly in my blogs, posts, etc.

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Healing. It was healing for me. I struggled. I was depressed for months. That mind battle of “move on & depression” was challenging and impacted many areas of my life at the time. I met so many wonderful people —> online <— who understood and made me feel like I had a place to go during my struggling times.

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As hard as it may be, God doesn’t bring you through troubled water for nothing, Live via faith! It may take some time but I believe with faith you’ll find beauty from pain.

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Posted by

I am 35 yrs. old -a Wife and Mother to a Beautiful Boy and my Rainbow Baby Girl. I am a dance and fitness instructor. I own a fitness studio where I offer a variety of fitness classes in the evenings. I recently have become a FULL TIME Fitness Coach after 3+ years of working as a Day Care Assistant after having my Son and leaving my Emotionally Taxing Case Management Position. Fitness is my passion! I love to work out on my own AND with others! Throughout my both of my pregnancies I continued to work out on my own and with Beachbody programs, live my dream of being a work from home mom (for most of the day), and teach at my studio (and other locations) in the evening. After the birth of my son I have worked hard to get my pre-preg. body back. Shaun T's T25 was initial program and then Tony's P90X3 BOTH which I loved the short affective times because with having a newborn baby that was EXACTLY what I needed. I know and understand the self discipline it takes to achieve your desired goals and I am still on that path and have my struggles as everyone else does! I love to offer my support to my clientele with group fitness classes I offer in my community and I feel we work as a team all together to HELP each other. I LOVE offering my support via the web too as I REACH other people that I can't physically see. IT IS AMAZINGLY rewarding and I can't imagine NOT doing what I do! Im currently on my postpartum journey once again and so GRATEFUL and BLESSED to live this healthy lifestyle, lead by example for my family, and support others on their journey too!

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